As I continue to travel through life interacting with a variety of people I am continually reminded that integrity seems to be in short supply. What is integrity? Integrity is simply honesty. Does one’s talk match one’s walk? Does one say what one means, and mean what one says? Does one convey an accurate picture of one’s situation or does one hide it within a concoction of smoke and mirrors?

On March 14, 2015 I posted an article titled helping vs. enabling. A situation I encountered over the week-end once again brought to my mind the difference between helping and enabling. In that article I defined helping as doing something for someone that he or she is unable to do for themselves, and defined enabling as shielding someone from the consequences of his or her actions or choices.

Sometimes when we want to help someone the action that we take to help him or her is in actuality enabling them to continue a dysfunctional behavior or a dishonest lifestyle.

If you are not sure whether you are helping or enabling someone ask yourself these questions:

1. Am I doing something I really don’t want to do, i.e. saying yes when I want to say no?
2. Am I doing something for someone that he/she is capable of doing and should be doing for him or herself?
3. Am I meeting people’s needs without being asked?
4. Am I speaking for another person?
5. Am I solving people’s problems for them?
6. Am I suffering the consequences of someone else’s choices or actions?
7. Am I not asking for what I want, need and desire?
8. Am I consistently giving more than I receive in a particular relationship?
9. Am I shielding someone from the reality of his or her situation by contributing smoke and mirrors?

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